rating: 5 of 5 stars
The stories contained in this book are painful to read. They will make you angry. They will make you cry. But they are necessary.

For too long we as a culture have believed that the children in the adoption system have been thrown away by uncaring mothers. The truth is that many of these children were stolen. Few women even had any choice in the matter–their parents decided that the babies would be given up, the doctors and nurses shamed them, and social workers lied to them and omitted their rights from any discussion.

The culture that kept these girls ignorant is also to blame. They were told nothing about sex and its consequences, nothing about birth control, in many cases nothing even about their periods. When they became pregnant, it was a complete surprise.

The cycle of ignorance continued when they were sent away; nobody told them what to expect from their changing bodies, what childbirth was like. All they were told was that they should be happy to give their children to nice couples who could give them everything they needed. They themselves were not nice. They had committed the ultimate sin, brought shame upon themselves and their families, and they should be grateful that the maternity homes were willing to help them by getting rid of the problem. Once the girls had had their babies, they were supposed to go home, back to their young-girl lives, and forget all about the whole thing.

Many of the girls became pregnant due to rape. But it was their reputations that were ruined. Nothing happened to the boys. Many of the boys were serial impregnators, but faced few long-term consequences. For the girls, giving up or losing their babies affected their entire lives. Some rushed out to try to become pregnant again, but legitimately this time, marrying men they didn’t love to have a baby that they could keep but that would never heal the wound in their heart.

The worst part of the experience for many girls was that they could not discuss it with anyone. Some girls lived with fathers or mothers or siblings that never found out. They felt too ashamed to tell spouses. Even their subsequent children were left in the dark.

I think this book would benefit from two sequels–one that tells the story from an adoptees’ perspective, and one that deals with the boys who were also involved. It would be interesting to see any disparities between the consequences for the impregnated girls and the boys who helped them get that way.

Ann Fessler is an adoptee herself, and tells her own story in the book as well.

Tags: abortion, adoption, Ann Fessler, feminism